A bright flash of light can be seen engulfing the monster, then the screen cuts to black. We cannot teleport bread anymore! As long as nobody teleports any bread. The Heavy continues to drive the van on the right side of the road when the dashboard monitor begins to softly beep. Earn it! ], Scout: Lot of people busy with busyness. Demoman: Woo. They wordlessly agree to jump into the mouth of the Bread Monster, which they proceed to do in the nick of time. She hurriedly arrives on the scene, but is infuriated upon learning that the briefcase is actually secure. Listen now... We've been running some experiments on the Teleporter. Ah... [Scout walks towards a door labeled Dining Area.] Miss Pauling: [distracted] Scout? A scene not present in the final video has Miss Pauling be seated at a candle-lit dinner table by the Heavy, who also takes off her helmet. Behind him, the Pyro and Spy are holding a bottle of wine and a bucket of chicken. Dispose of the body, replace him with my own guy no later than 4:30... [Spy looks down at Scout, and after a few seconds of thought, speaks...]. The tumors are now plainly visible on the outside. The mercenaries' expressions show varying degrees of interest. Tell me you got the briefcase. The bread creature flips itself in the jar and gnashes its teeth at the bottom of the container, and the Soldier chuckles to himself at its actions. Scout: [frantic yet hushed strings play] But you, Spy. Scout: Yeah. You too. ], [In the classroom, the word DEMEANOR is now written on the board as the Spy continues to educate Scout, who is busy drawing a picture of Spy being shot in the head. The Scout and Heavy look worried while the Engineer looks down at the floor. After a brief delay, he raises his hand in front of him to shield his eyes from the bright lights. The music swells from mournful to patriotic. If the food product has a “sell-by” date or no date, cook or freeze the product by the times in the chart below. Ve all use the teleporter, let's say six times a day... [Cut to the rest of the team, Scout is still rubbing his sore neck, the Soldier stands stoically, the Heavy still leans on the fridge door, Sandvich now half-eaten, and the Engineer replaces his helmet, backwards as usual. The dashboard beeps again and the Heavy hits the Scout without taking his glance off of the road. Let's begin. Shutterstock/Anthony Berenyi. [turns] Scout. A grin appears on his face as he stares at the fallen loaf. Wait! Ash helped write the latest TF2 short and she voices Miss Pauling. What really matters is what is in the can. 1. CLOSE THE BLAST DOORS! Scout grabs a hold of her and, making use of the dance moves he learned from Spy, keeps her safe from harm. Soldier: Arrghh! (Note: captions read "Mrs. Pauling"), [The Soldier disappears into the rear of the van and the door slides closed behind him. What an unexpected surprise. The bread monster turns his attention towards the Pyro, and immediately has its mouth filled with fire. If there is a “use by” or "freeze by" date, follow that date. A body bag and shovel can be seen strapped to the back of it. [She lets out a deep breath, cocks the shotgun, and pushes the door open, spinning around and bringing the shotgun to Scout's chest, who's waiting for her there.]. Gentlemen, synchronize your death watches. Scout: Wait! At 6:08 when Spy is pouring a drink, the liquid flowing out of the bottle is black but becomes a translucent amber color as it fills the glass. The monster throws Scout at the Demoman, and they both collapse onto the ground. Behind him is a crash-test dummy, hanging on a stand. This never leaves this room [sigh]. We're not dying! Scout admits to Spy that while he himself is good with girls (a scene with the Tramp Girl appears), he is vastly outclassed by Spy when it comes to ladies. During the dancing scene, a recorder is visible that looks like the Red-Tape Recorder. He returns his eyes to the road. [An ominous rumble shakes the entire base as the group look up at the ceiling. He eyes it worriedly.]. [She points at the hangar they just exited from. ], [The Engineer turns to the Medic. An example being "Y'all ready?" The Scout is near breathless with laughter.]. ], [Front shot of the van pulling into the garage. Spy: How long before these...tumors kill us? [The camera cuts to a shot of the Spy walking behind Heavy's back. ], Spy: I think it's going pretty well... [He gives the Scout a pat on the back as a cloud of dust rolls over them.] Scout and a busty, blonde haired woman are standing at a counter with buckets of "Conquistador Fried Giblets" brand chicken drumsticks.]. I guess it's a date. Cut to the Spy, languidly brandishing a cigarette from its case]. It closes its mouth as the bomb explodes. It lets out another roar.]. It is filled with note cards. After arriving back at the base, Scout tries to ask her out, but he is unable to think of anything to say to her. So...we're both busy. [He looks down at the cart. At 1:35, the Medic's left hand clips with his backpack. Um. [He turns to the rest of the mercenaries in a mock whisper. A Payload Pinball machine can be seen in the background. Shutterstock "Bread can last around five to seven days past its expiry date," says Megan Wong, RD, a registered dietitian working with AlgaeCal. [The Medic throws the jar containing the bread creature onto the ground. Scout: [taken aback] Right! I failed, did I? [The Soldier suddenly grabs the Scout by the neck and slams him onto the table.]. It spins around in the jar and comes to a stop.] His brow wrinkles]. Now weakened, the wooden platform collapses, sending the trio plummeting to the dirt below. As Chris Bernstein of the USDA's Food Safety and Inspection Service explains in a video posted to the USDA's YouTube account, "Many products might have a sell-by date of, say, April 1. ], [The camera cuts to a shot of Spy and Scout in a classroom setting. A loaf of the bread falls off of the pile and Soldier gasps and grabs his bucket more tightly. [Cut to a right side view of the van. Miss Pauling tumbles unceremoniously to the ground, helmet falling off of her head. Medic: [Appearing behind the Engineer] It's not even tumors! Okay. Seduce me! Spy remarks that his time has been wasted, and angrily bids the team farewell, after giving the Soldier the bucket. The Medic informs them that only bread mutates, and that they will all be fine (after the Soldier mistakenly states that they will live forever), while the Pyro starts playfully chasing down the remaining small Bread Monster. At 6:23, a lighter is floating under the comic the Pyro is holding, presumably originally intended to be in his hand, to try and light the comic on fire with. Spy: This is a bucket. Scout: What? It is important to realize that the dates on canned goods simply don’t matter. He calls Miss Pauling to the base by pressing the alarm button for the briefcase being stolen. Miss Pauling steps forward and turns to look at the bomb. You did collect everyone's dying wish? Spy: [turns] You? Wait. Engineer: Well yeah. He points both his fingers at Spy, who merely shakes his head with disgust. We killed everyone and took a briefcase! Expiration Date is a movie that was released on the 17th of June 2014 to promote the Love and War Update. It is now night and a lone Level 1 Sentry guards the entrance. At 12:16, Miss Pauling's model does not sync the last word of her sentence ("press"). I got a bucket of chicken... Spy: [He slaps the chicken out of Scout's hands.] The Engineer picks up his PDA and activates the Teleporter; it starts whirring into action. [The Spy's mouth twitches as he stops himself from laughing] So why don't you take your little failure, roll it up sideways, and- [The Spy taps his watch, voicelessly reminding Scout of the death watch] -Okay, crap, I gotta go... [He quickly downs the rest of his drink and begins to walk off-screen, but leans back towards the Spy.] In face of this news, Spy decides to collect a bucket list in a literal bucket. The Spy swirls his cut crystal glass and takes a drink whilst reading "Dapper Cadavar Monthly" magazine, as the track of the same name plays in the background. Scout: Oh... [He stands up, bringing the desk with him. Where have you been sending it?! This is likely a modeling error, where there is no texture for the flowing liquid and appears black because of the lighting. The camera angle is also slightly higher up than in the final video. The dove from earlier flies at the monster and is promptly eaten by it. The room is dimly lit with moonlight and the warm glow of the fireplace. ], [Miss Pauling looks Scout in the eyes, grabs a hold of his arm, and gives him a nod of approval. Spy: [somewhat bemused] ...sexual congress with the Eiffel Tower. Scout: [stammering] Oh g-good. A march-like drum beat plays] [Cut to a close-up of a poker table. ], [The blackboard has the results of previous teleporter experiments written on it. Scout: [nervously] Yeah. Look. The wooden platform they're standing on creaks from the weight of the monster. The camera pans from the rear towards the front while a heavy drum beat plays. [he gestures to different parts of his body and spins around] Heh. It reads 70:00:00. The ongoing game is constantly updating with new game modes, maps, equipment, short movies and comics. He places a hand on the Heavy's shoulder, jerking him awake. You are better than me. Cut to black. The short story is that, for a lot of foods, those dates are a rough suggestion. Cut back to the Medic]. Spy: [smugly] Asking out that dial tone again, I see. Now I can feel it. Scout and Miss Pauling run at the bread monster as she lets out a yelp. I'm leaving the van now. You are amazing with ladies. At the base, they hear bad news from Engineer and Medic: teleporting bread results in large green tumors inside, leading them to conclude that the mercenaries have the tumors as well, and will all die. Stunned by the blast, Miss Pauling and Scout painfully but quickly recover inside the bread monster. The Engineer smacks his Sentry Gun with his wrench, upgrading it to Level 2, and he motions for Demoman to move up. Died. To their horror, though, it seems that Soldier's last wish has been to do nothing but teleport bread for the past three days. He stammers and scratches his face.]. The Heavy slowly folds his arms.]. A literal bucket list. Mid-tempo mysterious music plays with rhythmic drums, piano, and plucked strings. She places her back up against the wall to the left of the door and glances upwards briefly. Ominous sounding strings start up. The healing beam latches onto the Heavy, and the Medi Gun crackles with energy as the ÜberCharge is deployed. She is slightly irritated that they left witnesses that she has to take care of for them. They enter the room that Soldier, Spy and Demoman are in and inform them that they are fine as long as no more bread is teleported. [Brief flash over to Spy, whose gaze returns to the monitor.] In the distance, a tentacle knocks over both the Pyro and the Demoman as the Engineer hastily backs up to avoid another tentacle. This means none of the mercenaries have tumors, and thus are not going to die. [Spy walks away to pour a drink. Scout: [sitting up and angrily gesturing] Go to hell, Spy. Miss Pauling: Not everybody, Soldier. At 3:51, the drawing of the Spy being hit by a car is a very similar drawing to one found in the Source Filmmaker Beta files. With the Demoman on the far right in the foreground grasping his bottle, everyone else is arranged counter-clockwise from him: Pyro, Sniper, Heavy, Scout, Soldier, and Spy on the right foreground. Wait! The Spy proceeds to show Scout the proper way to dance, while Scout looks on in confusion. 70 hours left to live and counting. Miss Pauling: [quickly] I was furious. [He waves the Scout off and runs forward into battle. The story ends with Scout trying to get another date, but Miss Pauling having to decline due to already having spent her one day of vacation this year. [Suddenly, the Spy's voice is heard. ], [TRAINING GYM : 2 HOURS TIL DEATH Floodlights come to life, illuminating the Scout, who is sitting in a classroom chair in the middle of a wrestling ring. Here you've drawn me having... [The camera tastefully remains on his face.]. A march-like drum beat plays], [Cut to a close-up of a poker table. The kind that smell good, and can read. What have you two eggheads been workin' on? Say something. [sigh] Okay. Scout: [disinterestedly while the background drum beats a steady tattoo] Wow. Scout can be seen dodging the tentacles, jumping onto one and using his makeshift weapon to impale one of the other tentacles. Scout tells her about the death prognosis just as the two are helped out of the remains of the gigantic Bread Monster by the rest of the team. Fuzzy dice adorn the rear view mirror. THE BOTTOM LINE ON THE FOOD EXPIRATION DATE MYTH. Scout: ...so that brings me to the point of this story, which is I like you, and you should probably be sitting for this... [In the background, the Medic hurriedly rushed forward to heal the Pyro, who has been lifted by another tentacle], Miss Pauling: GUYS! Yet in the next shot at 11:17, the left side of her glasses is slanted. Scout looks at the monster, which lets out a long roar. At 4:16, the Sniper's watch floats in front of his waist instead of being strapped to his left wrist. Cause he smells. Engineer: Yeah. ], [Cut back to the battle, and the Pyro stomps on one of the tentacles. I'd like to go on a date...with Miss Pauling. The Soldier stops and examines his new bucket next to a sign pointing to the "LAB". At 5:55, a painting of a bowl of fruit with a knife in the apple is seen behind the Spy. This is identical to Scout's recoil in, At 2:43, when Demo comes back through the teleporter with the beer, he does the same animation as the, At 3:26, there is a pinball machine depicted by a. Can we do this again? Heavy: [Struggling to keep the blast doors open] COME ON! All right? 6 / 11. Scout: You look... You look... aahhhhhh... [Close up of the camera, then cut to a shot of Demoman, Soldier, and Spy in a room full of monitors, watching the two interact. He looks down, then chuckles sadly to himself. She lets out a yelp as one of the bread monster's tentacles slams into the ground. Spy. Congratulations. [His smile fades and he removes his helmet. Goodbye! Spy can be seen walking around Scout as the camera rotates around him in the opposite direction.] He sits back down and slides out of his chair. Can the cook be trusted? Miss Pauling: [Briefly glancing over at Scout] Uh-huh. This was a huge waste of my time. The bell rings a third time and the screen blacks out again]. Engineer: That goes for all of ya. He returns the glance awkwardly. Bread: 5-7 days past expiration date. Scout, you... [She turns to Scout, then she notices something off-screen.] (Note: caption reads "business"), [Heavy can be seen in the background, checking the fridge's contents. ], Miss Pauling: [Quickly] You're ready. Someone knocks on his door. It's best to store bread in a cool, dry place. About Eat By Date - How Long Does Food Last? [Soldier is grabbed by a tentacle, dragged over towards the monster, and then thrown into a pile of broken lumber. Cut to a shot of Miss Pauling on a scooter, speeding towards RED Base. It is filled with note cards. He places the bread on the teleporter, and it disappears in a flash of light. This is the final Team Fortress video to feature Rick May record new lines for the Soldier before his death in 2020. ], Spy: We are mercenaries. ", The location of the RED Base is in an edited version of the map. [relaxes and chuckles] So yeah, Miss Pauling. Wait! ], [The background music stops and the van grows quiet. Y'all ought to take a look at this. Suddenly a siren can be heard in the background with guards shouting. --this! ], [Scout motions for her to escape to safety. Spy: [Annoyed] Scout, where is this going? Scout: Yeah, sure! Soldier: [brightly] Hello, Miss Pauling! You know? We are a group of contributors from the kitchen and classroom communities who set out to answer the question, “How long does food really last?”.From the best ingredients to the ordinary, we provide you with a diverse and informative perspective on food shelf life, food safety, expiration dates, recipes, substitutions, food storage and more. This is a reference to ". In all subsequent shots, the Medic's backpack is missing. While most people store bread at room temperature, refrigerating it will lengthen its lifespan. Ow. We are going to live forever! Scout: That's right, fancy pants, myself! The Soldier stands with his arms akimbo. Spy simply looks down at him with a smug grin on his face. The Scout, meanwhile, bounces off the bread monster and lands on his feet in a battle stance. The Heavy remains at the fridge door, eating his Sandvich, but observing.].
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